woooooaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

buddy. hold up on the neglect-o-tron. best wipe the dust off this puppy before continuing.
I really don't have much to say. Everything is still peachy. one of our group members went home, which is a little suck, BUT I got to see The Hold Steady AND Gogol Bordello in concert. Which is soul-owning-worthy. also just got back from Victoria island with 4 awesome pals. which is also soul-owning-worthy. youth hostels are so much fun. John is australian. moving on.
actually that's it.
so much for not saying anything
so much for catching up
so much for NOT TALKING TO YOURSELF STUPID
SO MUCH FOR NOT BEING STUPID, STUPID.
STUPID.
not stupid, k?

posting party!

k.
so. number 2.
Work is great. the house is great. the people are more than I could've asked for. right now, I'm sleeping in the laundry room with the bugs, which is a little unsettling, but whatever. I read by the dryer light. very convenient.
When I say the people are more than I could've asked for, I speak of the majority, not the whole.
there is one that rots the socks off an ox with botox. but we won't get into that.
I fell down the stairs yesterday, carrying a glass of water. I got wet. it was funny.
we also made a tower out of cups, condoms, napkins, and pencils. it was the greatest and most contraceptive tower ever constructed.
I also doodled a picture. of douglas.
douglas the dinosaur
douglas the dinosaur, and the city on his back. I wrote a song about him.
I'll post it later. it's downstairs.
it's called douglas the dinosaur, and the city on his back.
it's a city I'd like to visit, considering it's on the back of a dinosaur
named douglas
but I digress.
can you digress from one thought back into a ramble that had no real structure or logical progression in the first place? let's try.
I miss my Rusty. sleeping is so so hard without him.
but he is in good hands
great hands, really. I haven't met the hands, but I hear they're alright.
I trust the hands to keep rusty out of harm's way.
the things I miss most are dumb.
I don't miss my friends, my family, my life, or anything
just an inanimate object
a family pet
and somebody who I've never met before.
the present day has turned humans into squishies.
touchy feely emotionally retarded backwards logistical inefficient squishies

but we usually give great hugs
if we're not mugging you.

This song reads my mind

No, it's not what we meant to say.
We don’t really love each other.
What happens when the summer’s over?
How long before distance becomes a chore?
I'm approaching with great, great trepidation.
I hope you’ll understand.

Before you speak
think about what you're trying to say.
Who else is there to blame for miscommunication?
You're getting caught up in the excitement.
You making promises you can’t keep.
You need to leave all your options open.

Anxiety, Anxiety you give me no mercy.
Grind my teeth smooth and flat in my sleep.
We took some pills to calm us down.
Then we needed help to come back up.
Just trying to stay in control of the situation.

Too much momentum.
This room feels like it's going to explode.
Too many angles.
Too many factors to cover.
Waiting for signal.
You're searching for network.
You have to fight to stay in control of the situation.
They fall apart so easily.

British Columbia

it is warm. it is big. it's kinda wet. there's veggies in our garden. they are big and yummy. our house is old and kinda creaky, but mostly awesome. well, all awesome. the people (save one or two) are absoultely super duper stellar. it's only been a week, and I've already loved them forever. I don't wanna leave. ever. if I could just live with these people and cook and garden and clean and have fun and play games and dance in the rain and play music and just live, it would be the best.
it's only been a week, and I'm already dreading the end.

I'll tell ya now, I'm not much of a talker. I tend to keep some things to myself. But you've been something constant that has kept me happy. You've never failed to be there for me and just make me feel better, whether or not you knew it at the time. I always knew that whatever I got myself into, I could talk to you, and everything would be alright. Any time I've comforted you, I felt it back ten thousand times, and I'm going to miss that for a good 6 months. Even with the sparce email now and then, it ain't gonna be fun. But 6 months is a small price to pay, considering all the love and adoration we've given eachother through absolutely nothing but text and the occasional picture/phone call/fashion show will be able to manifest itself in the biggest damn hug you'll ever recieve.
170 days 'till I can come home from whatever the hell I signed up for ('cause I still don't know what the fuck's going on), step off the plane with 1000 bucks, and buy a ticket for the next flight to Toronto, knowing the next familiar face I'll see is yours. That's what's gonna get me through this. that's something.

I love you, and I'm going to miss you <3

my mind, she plays tricks on me.

The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want. I have forgotten this word so many times, and am only now realizing that it's pretty much the purest form of irony in the universe. I'm gonna go take a 2 day nap.

Also, ambigrams. another word I can never remember. I'm so lethologic lately (too early?)

last jam yesterday

Some of the best things in life are those you don't really appreciate.
I think I need to be more appreciative. It's not all that bad.

T-Minus 5 days to takeoff

I sure do wish scientists would hurry up with the whole 'universal knowledge' thing. I'd like to be able to figure out what the hell I'm doing.
I like the whole idea of katimavik and all, and I'm sure I'm gonna have a wicked ol' time.
But I can't shake the feeling that I'm throwing away 6 perfectly good months.
I'm afraid I'm going to be disconnected when I get back.
Plus the fact that I'm a little bitch, and am gonna miss pretty much everybody and everything.
Maddie, my friends, drama, improv, family, work buds, parties.
I know they're all gonna be there when I get back, but i just feel like I'm being selfish and losing something out of disappearing with very little contact for 6 months.
Whatever. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe my worry warts are coming through.

I'm Sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry.
I feel terrible.
absolutely terrible.
I lied. I lied bad.
I I cannot believe I did that.
I want to cry
and I feel so bad.
I hope you can forgive me
Did I mention I was sorry?
My phone's with my friend mitch now. I'm pretty sure it's cancelled. D:

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we go for walks through the city,
Study strangers from afar,
Laugh and dance and sing in the rain,
Without the romance?
Was it that important?
But you're too stoned to care,
And I'm too hurt to make you try.
That's why we can't be friends.

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we ride along the lakeside,
Swim along the shoreline,
Have a picnic on a tiny little island,
Without the love?
Was it that important?
But you're too important to care,
And I'm too hurt to make you try.
That's why we can't be friends.

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we talk about anything,
everything,
Staying up the whole night in boundless conversation,
Anxiously waiting for our turn to coexist,
Without the love?
Without the romance?
But you're too cute to stop,
And I'm too enthralled to make you try.
That's why we can't be just friends.

THUNDAH!

oooaaaaoooaaaaoooaaaaaaaaoo.
thenderstruck in acapella does not work in typed form. I've learned something new today.
But there was thunder and lightning last night, being a tropical storm and all.
and I drove through it, windows down, blasting the Flaming Lips, driving around my intoxicated lead singer.
it was great times. almost got in two accidents, though. hydroplaning is the scariest thing ever invented. neither accident would've been my fault. I'm a good driver when I'm not flipping cars into rivers.

Whatchu gon' do?

So there's this big thing going around about how on August 27, Mars is gonna be the same size as the moon in the sky.
this is, like a castrated medevial choir boy, falsetto. without the tto.
But, after a very extended (drunken) scientific talk with some comrades about the gravitational and possible fatal effects that mars being so close to us would have on our planet, we switched gears a little. and hence, comes this question.
If Mars (or a large meteor or piece of space junk) was throttling towards the earth, and you knew 3 days in advance that this was going to happen, and it was inevitable that everyone on the planet would die, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
I've posed this question to a lot of people. My favorite response so far was "I'd go to the exact coordinates of where the piece of space material was going to make contact with earth, AND PUNCH IT OUT OF THE SKY..or try to." -Tommy C.

Personally, I'd get an acoustic guitar, a lawn chair, and a small, chillaxed amount of company, and just go to a nice spot where we can watch the impact (and punching) and just play songs and hang out 'till we all burn unmercifully.
It's a nice twist on the age old "OMG WHUT WULD U DO WIT 24 HRS TO LIVE??!!?!!11?//?!"

being 10 minutes away from the harbor

I thought it only necessary to choose the harbour template.
not that it matters to me. I don't read my own blog.
I don't think anybody else does, either.
Hope you like it, Abraham Lincoln's ghost!
(I did it just for you and your awesome beard)

cerebral evacuation in 3...2...1...

I need a hand
a plan
more time
less commitments
a thought
a path
to cut back
you

to hold
to mold
to kill
to fulfill
to ponder
to wander
on booze
<3

work screws my sentences up a notch.
all my fresh laundry smells like chicken, because I was too tired to realize that I put my uniform in with the rest of my clothes last night. at least I'll make puppy friends.

if I were an artist

I would just copy Alex gray. he is GOD TIER of painting

a cattle barn floor, post lunchtime

Would not compare to the bullshit that was august 18th, 2009. I don't wish to bitch, but nobody knows this exists (yet) anyway, so whatever. I'll bitch all I want. WHATCHU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, NUKKA?
how do people find out about new blogs, anyway? I mean..if I don't tell anybody, will nobody ever know? I could ramble on for decades, perhaps write some world-altering literature (nat), and the rest of the world could be none the wiser. [/existentialism]
ANYWAY. ENOUGH OF THAT.
yeah. tuesday. sucked. basically, I attempted sleep in a car while camping. did not work, for the most part. I finally got to sleep around 8:30, and woke up at 10 to the sound of my mom freaking out about being late for work, even though she had to be there by 12:30. crazy mommer.
so because the wimmenz are apparently so fragile, I had to lift everything into the car and pack it tight.
only there was no room for me when I was done packing. so I had to wait for them to bring everything home, and come back and get me.
in the rain.
I think I got the sniffles, but whatever.
so I get home, and help put everything away, and I'm just about to settle down and relax when work calls and says I have to come in early. only there's no car, so I have to walk.
I walk there, and they get mad, 'cause an hour after they call me isn't early enough, apparently. so I work. and work sucks more majorly than usual. grease spills, no helper, etc. etc.
I'm so damn whiny. I need to stop that. fuck it.
so I walk home, again in the rain, and get stopped by two drugged-on-something skeets who ask me for a smoke, I tells them I have none, but they don't leave me alone.
and I was already having a cattle barn-floor day, so I was having none of it.
they would not let me leave the park. clearly they were just looking for a fight.
so I fought them. both.
The first fight I've been in in YEARS.
but I still won.
so I go home, and I'm about to call my pup (not a dog), when I get all stomach sick. and start throwing up. it was gross.
so yeah, that kept me up 'till about 3 or 4. BUT BUT BUT then I slept for like, 9 hours, and woke up and had birthday supper with parents, so it was best kind today. :)

My dream

So I had this dream last week. it was the longest and most detail-oriented dream I can remember.
So I figured I'd put this thing to good use, and copy it down here.
CUE DREAM SEQUENCE

alright. I was walking down the road, sauve to be exact, with kevin, tim and andrew. we went to a park at the top of the street (that isn't actually there), and started just hangin' around and talking. there was a small grassy incline behind the park, and at the top was an elementary school. on the left side of the school was a small, probably 8'x8' area fenced off, with a staircase leading up to the empty brick wall of the side of the school. don't know why that was there, but it comes in later. the school had 3 floors, and just looked like a regular school.

So anyway, we're all just playing grounders when Kevin says "hey, we should break into the gym and have a fire" and the rest of us agreed that this was a brilliant idea. So we go through the gym entrance on the right side of the school, which happens to be unlocked, and we start a small fire. then Tim starts rooting through the gym equipment and finds a milk crate full of jump ropes, a smoke machine, and hunting knives. so we turn on the smoke machine, and turn off all the lights in the gym, so only natural light through the windows is there. then we all grab a knife, and start running at eachother sneakily, trying to scare eachother.

then, while I'm crouched next to a window, I see cop lights outside, just as tim yells "THE COPS ARE FUCKING OUT FRONT. RUN" so we all skitter off through another door leading into the school, as cops pile through the door we came in. when we get into the actual halls and classrooms part of the school, we discover that it's riddled with kids, probably aged 10-14. I dunno. I suck at aging kids. anyway, they were apparently also aware that the cops had shown up, and started running around frantically. As usual, we followed kevin through a maze of hallways, staircases, in and out of classrooms, until we all eventually lost eachother. I dunno where you guys went at this point, only that tim and andrew both went down the same staircase while I chose to go up.

So I'm running around, pushing little kids out of my way, trying to avoid the cops, when I see a shitload of kids running out of a classroom. Naturally, I run in, and I see two kids, one dead with a bullethole in his head, and a girl, holding a gun. I asked her what the fuck she was doing, and she pretty much explained the kid situation. Basically, they were a bunch of kids causing a ruckus around town, and the cops got wind of their shenanigans. So, they all decide to camp out in the school while there's nobody there during the summer, and wait 'till the heat's off. one of the kids apparently tried to call his mom, and the cops traced the call back to the school. the girl says that the cops were coming up this hallway, and that they were all gonna jump out the window, but they were too afraid, 'cause it was on the second floor, so she shot her friend in the head, and the rest of the kids ran out screaming. Then, the door flies off the hinges, and in runs 3 cops, pointing their guns at us. the girl tells me to jump, then shoots herself in the head.

I jump out the window, and start running around to the back of the school. there's cops and kids EVERYWHERE outside, and looking inside, it's pretty much the same situation. kids killing themselves or eachother, cops arresting everything that moves, it's fucked. so I climb up a fire escape ladder thing, and shimmy across a small ledge inbetween the first and second floors, so nobody could apparently see me. then once I get to that fenced off staircase to nothingness, I jump down, and hide underneath the staircase. while I'm under there, Mitch Snow's head appears in a nearby window, and he asks me what I'm doing under a staircase, so I tell him I'm hiding from cops and homocidal children. I ask him what he's doing in there, and he says he's studying for a psychology exam, and that I should probably leave before someone decides to check the only obvious hiding spot.

So I run into some bushes on the side of the school, then hop someone's fence, and run out their backyard, putting me on lidstone crescent somehow, where I text andrew and ask him what happened to him. he tells me to meet him at thug mansion, so I go there, and we start talking about what happened to us. Apparently, after I ran upstairs, Andrew and Tim ran into a bunch of cops, who tim tried to fight, and failed miserably, ending up with him being arrested. Andrew used this diversion to run out and escape. Kevin just basically disappeared, but we concluded that he got arrested. then griff calls, and asks if we wanna hang out, so we went to the exact same park we were at originally, and meet up with griff. then we all hang out underneath someone's back patio. Griff asks us if we want help breaking tim and kevin out of jail, and some random dude next door sticks his head out the window and screams "LEAVE SHIT IN THE TOILET, WHERE IT BELONGS. IT'S 2AM, GO TO BED" it wasn't 2am, but it did get dark during the walk to meet griff. then Andrew says he'd like to help break them out of jail, but he has to work in the morning, so he heads home. I tell griff I'm not particularly motivated to do so, and he said he wasn't either, and that he was just asking to be nice. so we head our separate ways, and that's pretty much the end of it.

Harglbargl.

Soooooooooooooyeah.
blogging, what's the big deal, amirite?
whatever. it's easier than writing freehand in a journal.

Oooh! Oooh! discovered a new band today! Wolf Parade. check it out.
one of the few good things that came out of camping